God Help Me! Processing Grief when the Unthinkable Happens

Odds are you’ve experienced loss. You’re likely a seasoned expert in losing love and lives. Maybe, not yet.

Grief is a learning journey. People don’t process grief in a linear manner. Each time, it’s different for each person. Every time we grieve, we encounter something new as well as something familiar.

Grief: a deep sorrow, especially that is caused by someone’s death.

Google English Dictionary

As a minister, I’ve attended far more funerals than weddings. I’ve spoken words of comfort at many memorial services. I’ve sat in the room as people said their final goodbyes. I’ve delivered the eulogy and shared the hope of Christ in a room overflowing with thousands and shared parting thoughts at gravesides surrounded by only a few other family and friends. Death and dying isn’t new to me. Even so, grief hits me hard when I experience the loss of someone I loved. [And yes, it even shakes me up even when I am faced with putting one of our pets to sleep.] Each time, I am reminded that life is fleeting.

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

James 4:14 [New Living Translation]

How do you process grief when the unthinkable happens?

Apart from Christ, I don’t know how you do it, truthfully.

My Christian faith helps me grieve differently than I would if I lived life as a non-believer. I think the world is a pretty dark, dangerous, and hopeless place without the voice of a redeeming God who loves each of so immensely more than we could ever imagine.

If we only loved God back with as much love as He showers upon us. That would be AMAZING!

What are the stages of grief?

Grief is difficult. The late Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined the stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As I stated earlier—these stages aren’t experienced in a linear manner. You may feel them in order, out of order, or all at once. Sometimes you will start with the last and wind up at the first or second. Grief doesn’t come in a one-size-fits-all formula.

In his renowned book, “Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts,” Evangelical writer and speaker, Jerry Bridges, contends that “God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to us. He does not delight in causing us to experience pain or heartache. He always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows to come into our lives.” 

That God has a purpose in our grief and suffering can be a hard truth for even the most ardent believer to swallow.

God never wastes pain. He always uses is to accomplish His purpose. And His purpose is for His glory and our good. Therefore, we can trust Him when our hearts are aching or our bodies are racked with pain.

Jerry Bridges, “Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts”

As believers navigating through periods of loss, grief gives us the chance to trust God in the face of adversity. We must cling to the truth of God’s sovereignty even in the midst of our lamenting. None of us like pain and we enjoy the experience of loss even less.

“Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?

1 Corinthians 15:55 [New International Version]

So what are we to do when we grief the loss of someone we loved?

In our moment of heartache, we rely on our confidence in God as our source of strength and solace. In a world where death grows more and more senseless with each passing breath, God remains our ultimate comforter. He alone can wipe away our tears and heal our hurts.

Over the past couple of weeks leading up to the Thanksgiving celebration, I had a friend who lost his childhood best friend. Earlier this year, another friend lost his father and his mother within six months of each other. Recently, the Lord brought to mind the three homeless men we lost in the course of a weekend just before summer began. These are all difficult losses. The closer the relationship, the greater the pain of loss resonates among the grieving.

God is Our Comfort

Friend, God is our comfort during times of trouble and loss. He is in the midst of our pain, working. In our most painful moments, we can trust that He is willing and able to heal our hurts.

May this post help you as you lament the loss you’ve experienced this year. Know that in your loss, you are not alone. There is no right way to mourn. In order to heal, you’ve got to grieve. And that’s okay–however you do it.

I pray God’s abundant comfort and blessings on your life. May you sense His presence wherever you find yourself worshipping Him in spirit and in truth this week.

Blessings,

Rainer Bantau

The Devotional Guy™