Learning to Cultivate Empathy When You Feel Disrespected

The Serenity Prayer quickly reminds me that the only person I am in control of is myself.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer

It’s a sobering thought, especially when you feel disrespected.

I’ve shared with people publicly that I struggle with lust, anger, and envy. God has done a miracle work in me. No doubt. The transformation that my life has undergone is amazing! Yet, I still struggle with stuff, particularly lust, anger, and envy. I’m grateful for the patient work of the Holy Spirit in my heart, mind, and soul. Every day, the Spirit keeps chiseling away.

I say all that to tell you that I recognize I am not without fault or flaw. We all got issues. Me included. But, if I’m being truthful, when someone disrespects me I feel some kinda way.

Jesus said that I’m supposed to love my neighbor. When I sense that someone has disrespected me, I have trouble loving them. I’m just being honest. I’m just being real with you. When someone steps on my toes, my first response is neither love nor forgiveness. It’s to hit back—to punch them in the face.

Not exactly good Christian behavior.

Which irritates me.

Pause.

I’ve looked in the Bible, scoured the Scriptures, for some verse, some parable, some teaching that says it’s okay for me to respond tit for tat to someone who disrespects me.

On the street, people get shot and killed for the slightest measure of disrespect.

Where is the justice in not duking it out when another person disrespects you?

Pause again.

Scripture—the Bible—the Holy Word of God Almighty—tells me I need to cultivate empathy and show compassion.

What the what?

Yeah. Love. your. Neighbor.

Man. I’m glad Jesus loves me.

At my work, I have lots of lanes of responsibility—food, facilities, resources, inclement weather. And then there’s also church and Saturdays. It’s inevitable someone is going to step on my toes just as it’s likely I’m going to walk on theirs.

Hold it all loosely. It’s not about me.

It’s about Jesus.

Healthy community requires loving your neighbor like Jesus told us to do. Yep-He wasn’t asking—Jesus was commanding us to love our neighbor—even those who are our enemies and those who persecute us.

Cultivating empathy, especially towards someone displaying disrespectful behavior, is a huge act of grace that reflects the heart of God. It involves seeking to understand the experiences, feelings, and motives of others from their perspective, rather than immediately reacting with judgment or anger. Whew. Talk about heavy lifting.

So how do I cultivate empathy?

Let’s turn to the Scriptures and see what the Bible says.

Listen Actively

Give your full attention to understanding someone else’s perspective before planning your response. Listening is a foundational step in developing empathy. Listen to understand, not just to reply.

James 1:19: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

Pray for Insight and Love

Pray, pray, pray. Ask God in prayer to give you a heart of compassion and the ability to understand the feelings and struggles of others. Pray also for those you find difficult to empathize with. We are all carrying something.

Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Reflect on Your Own Vulnerabilities

Turn the mirror around and look inside yourself. Recognize and reflect on your own weaknesses, failures, and the grace that God has extended to you. This usually softens your heart towards others, understanding that we all are in need of grace. I know I am.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Seek to Understand Before Being Understood

In his 7 Habits, Stephen Covey says we should “seek to understand, before being understood.” That’s wisdom. Make it a priority to understand where someone is coming from before trying to make your point. Ask questions that encourage the other person to express their feelings and thoughts more fully and freely.

Proverbs 18:2: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

Imagine Yourself in Their Situation

What if it was you? Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, considering how you might feel and act if you were in their circumstances. This can help increase your empathy for their situation.

Hebrews 4:15: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

Respond with Kindness and Compassion

Be kind always. Choose to respond with kindness, even when you don’t fully understand or agree with the other person’s perspective. Strive to be kind even when you’re not feeling it. Your compassionate response serves as a powerful witness of God’s love. Point them to Jesus. Don’t push them away.

Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Cultivating empathy is a lifetime journey requiring patience, practice, and God’s transforming power. As we grow in empathy, we become more like Christ, who empathized with our weaknesses and gave Himself for us.

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Dear Heavenly Father,

In the quiet stillness of this moment, we come before You, seeking the grace to cultivate a garden of empathy within our hearts—a place where understanding and compassion bloom in abundance.

Help us grow in grace, O Lord, our God.

Dear Lord, guide us in the way of empathy, that we may see through the eyes of others, feel with their hearts, and listen with an intent to understand, rather than to respond. Show us the way, Lord. Show us the way.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)

Let this Scripture be the seed from which our empathy grows, reminding us of the simple yet profound call to be present in the lives of others, sharing in their joys and sorrows.

Grant us the courage to break down the walls of our own experiences, to step into the shoes of our neighbors, and to act with kindness and compassion that mirrors Your love. Help us remove the barriers that keep us from seeing others like ourselves—image bearers of You, our God.

Help us build bridges, not walls.

Bless us with the wisdom to listen before speaking, to offer support instead of judgment, and to choose love in every interaction. May our empathy lead to acts of kindness, creating gateways where there are divides and fostering healing where there is hurt.

Help us remember that broken crayons can still color.

In Your loving kindness, You, O Lord, have shown us the ultimate example of empathy through Jesus, who lived among us and bore our sorrows. Help us to follow in Christ’s footsteps, to be gentle listeners, and fierce lovers of all Your creation.

Help us be advocates of people as we serve as ambassadors of Christ.

Amen.

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What is one step you can take this week to actively cultivate and demonstrate empathy towards someone in your life?

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With much love and many blessings,

Rainer Bantau —The Devotional Guy™

You might know that I love music. The Lord recently blessed me by bringing some new Christian artists to my ears.

I’m going to share their music with you in this video section that I’ve been including in my posts for a good while now. I pray you are blessed by the songs and that they bring you joy as well as some reflection and a little retrospection.

First up… The Gray Havens.