Death Changes Everything

Death changes everything, particularly how we celebrate the holidays.

Christmas—a season celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus, isn’t immune from this change. Holidays are typically a season filled with joy, laughter, and family traditions. When death touches our families those traditions unravel, leaving behind an empty chair at the table and a noticeable absence.

Much like yours, our family Christmas was a time of togetherness and warmth. For years, we celebrated on Christmas Eve, often gathering at a steakhouse—a simple yet cherished tradition. But when, eleven years ago, our niece Natalie died celebrations became different. The once-familiar routine morphed into Christmas celebrations at her parent’s house in Royse City, a growing town east of Dallas on I-30. According to Terri, her sister got the entertaining gene in the family.

During the holidays many grieving families find themselves filling the void left by a loved one’s absence through creating new ways to celebrate.

Now, even more loss has reshaped our family. This year, with Terri’s sister gone, we’ve decided to return to a steakhouse, albeit a different one, in part because the old one is gone. But even if it was still around, we know we can’t turn back the hands of time and return to a place like nothing ever happened.

It feels like coming full circle in a way. Sort of. There’s a bittersweetness to it—a quiet acknowledgement of what’s been lost paired with the resilience of those who remain.

Death changes our perspective, our priorities, and the way we gather. At first, it’s hard to imagine celebrating anything at all. Grief clouds the lights, muffles the laughter, and makes every tradition feel like a reminder of what was. But as time passes, we adapt—not by simply forgetting—but rather by remembering differently. Our ability to adapt is a big key to surviving as a human.

This Christmas Eve, as we sit around the table, I imagine there will be stories and memories shared. There will likely be laughter mingled with tears, joy intertwined with sorrow. And in that moment, I’ll be reminded of how even in the face of loss, life continues.

Returning to the steakhouse doesn’t erase the pain of losing Natalie or Terri’s sister. It doesn’t bring them back. But it does remind us that traditions can be reshaped, that love transcends absence, and that even in grief, we can find reasons to celebrate.

Romans 8:18 NIV
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

If you’re grieving this holiday season, know you’re not alone. The holidays may look different now, but they can still be meaningful. Lean into the love of those around you, cherish the memories of those who’ve gone before, and give yourself grace as you navigate this new season of life.

This Christmas Eve, I choose to be grateful for the reminder that love, though changed by loss, never truly disappears.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

Rainer Bantau—The Devotional Guy™