!!BAM!! : Triggers

The other day, while grocery shopping with Terri, I found myself in the bread aisle, where two workers were swiftly restocking the shelves. As I passed them, a loud BAM shook the air. I jumped and instinctively looked around to assess what had happened. One of the workers had dropped a plastic flat onto a stack of empties, the sound sharp and jarring. My counselor says I am hyper-vigilant.

Even so, my reaction startled me as much as the noise itself. It reminded me of a Vietnam vet I’d worked with decades ago. His PTSD was so severe that any loud bang or unexpected noise would send him diving for cover. In that moment, I understood him better than I ever had before.

Turning to Terri, I said, “I do have PTSD.”

She looked at me with concern. “That noise startled you, didn’t it?”

I nodded, letting the weight of that truth settle in.

To be clear, I’ve suspected this for some time. I have even been tested for PTSD. Turns out, I have all the symptoms of PTSD— all but one—avoidance. Until that moment in the bread aisle I had concluded that post traumatic stress wasn’t really a term that applied to me. Except, during our last session, my counselor said I had all the symptoms and that he was actually surprised that when I took the tests that I had not met the criteria one hundred percent.

This year, I’ve resolved to make my mental health a priority. It’s easy to tell yourself to push through, to convince yourself that you’re fine. But when triggers like that BAM happen, they remind you that there is really something going on beneath the surface. That something needs to be addressed.

Acknowledging my need to focus on my mental wellbeing feels simultaneously daunting and freeing. I recognize it is a step toward healing and understanding myself better. Thankfully, I have a loving wife in Terri who understands this.

“Your mental health and sobriety are non-negotiable,” she declared.

I am grateful beyond belief for her support. I don’t know where this leads. I just recognize the perils of ignoring it and wishing it away.

Maybe you’ve experienced similar moments. I want to encourage you: it’s okay to admit you need help.

Prioritizing your mental health isn’t weakness; it’s strength.

Until my next post…

Grace and peace,

Rainer Bantau —The Devotional Guy™

The Stigma Stops Here.🛑

#mentalhealthmatters