My cell phone rang. The call went to voicemail before I could respond. I listened back to it.
“Hi. This is M__ from the Art Society. I’m calling to thank you for entering this year’s spring show and to let you know that you’ve won an award. The reception and award show will be on Saturday, April 5th.”
To say I was surprised and stoked is a huge understatement. I couldn’t wait to tell Terri—so I did.
“Which of your pieces do you think won?” She was genuinely excited.
“In the Garden,” I replied.
“I think it’s God Sees.” Terri really liked that piece.
In the weeks that followed, we debated which of my three entries got a prize. I told myself that I’d likely won one of the many honorable mentions in my category.
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The big day finally arrived. Before we knew it, they were announcing the winners in the categories. The emcee shared that the Board had decided to combine acrylics with oils, due to a lack of acrylic entries. In addition to First, Second, and Third Place winners, there were three Honorable Mentions.
After the Oil/Acrylic winners were announced, they went to my category: Collage/Mixed Media/Photography. It’s a very broad category. I can’t say I’m fond of its broadness, but it is what it is.
I listened to the emcee intently, certain I’d be getting an Honorable Mention. Surely, I wouldn’t win a bigger prize than that. And I’d be honored to receive such a prestigious prize amid all the excellent entries.
The emcee announced three Honorable Mentions. My name was not spoken. Next, the emcee announced two Merchant Awards. Again, my name was not uttered.
Could it be I actually placed and won Third or Second Place? How wild would that be? I felt my pulse rate increase. I was getting excited, while trying to keep calm.
The emcee announced the Third Place winner followed by Second. Still, no mention of Rainer Bantau. When the lady called and informed me I’d won a prize, I’d never imagined placing and now I was faced with receiving the award for First Place.
To say I felt excited is probably the greatest understatement ever. I waited for the emcee to announce the First Place winner. He spoke…and still not a whisper of my name! That left only one more category and unless they got it mixed up and put my work in the wrong category, the ONLY award remaining would be BEST of SHOW!
Surely not…
Terri and I listened intently as the emcee announced the winners in the Water Media category. No mix up. They didn’t call my name.
Could it be—really?—that I won Best of Show? No way, I thought. But I’d won an award. The lady who called had told me so. And there was only one award left. My heart raced. Tears welled up. I reminded myself to smile big.
The emcee smiled and said…
Someone else’s name.
That’s right. I didn’t win anything.
Nada. Zip.
So don’t throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.
Hebrews 10:35 HCSB
My heart sank. I felt embarrassed. Disheartenment quickly followed discouragement and disbelief.
I wanted to crawl into a hole.
My body tensed up. Terri looked at me confused at what had just unfolded. I could sense my anger boiling. We collected our things and quickly found the closest exit. I needed fresh air—even if it was colder than average for this time of year.
What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.
Charles Bukowski
What would you do? How would you respond?
Thanks for reading, my friend. Until my next post…
Be salty, stay lit.
Rainer Bantau —The Devotional Guy™
#bgbg2#BibleGateway
The Stigma Stops Here.🛑
#mentalhealthmatters
The Devotional Guy™ 
Thank you, Alan. Love knowing that you are praying for us. I don’t make art for prizes, but I left feeling gutted. Terri took it hard as well. Imagine the emotions that run through you in such a moment. Anticipation. Excitement. Rage. Insignificance.
Confusion. Discouragement…to name a few. I’d like to say no harm, no foul. But I can’t. It’s something God is going to have to do in me. Thankfully, He is faithful and gracious.
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It was definitely discouraging. I don’t make art for the prizes, but having been told I’d won something when indeed I hadn’t made me angry.
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The committee was just plain mean!
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Oh my goodness Rainer, I am so upset reading this. I can’t even begin to imagine how you and Terri were/are feeling. Be assured of my prayers for you both, that our Father God will bless you in this incident 🙏
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Awesomeness. T and I both like that one, too. I painted it after hearing a Russian preacher visiting a church we attend from time to time share a sermon on his annual ritual he does at the start of a new year. He spoke about how Adam must have felt disconnected from God after the Fall and how this reminds him to do a personal inventory of his own relationship with the Lord. Shalom, shalom.
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It was definitely agonizing. Thanks for your encouragement and for reading my post.
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Oh and my favorite was ‘Where Am I?’
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I also think maybe the lady told everyone they won in order to get more people to attend; which is seriously wrong. I believe someone owes you an apology. That’s emotionally agonizing.
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I hear you, Judy. I’m sure it was an innocent mistake (or at least I’d like to think so) but the pain remains the same. I am glad you like In the Garden. The three pieces are part of my series on Genesis I’m working on. The Lord knows what He will do with it. Thanks for your support and encouragement.
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I’ve never been overly impressed with the opinions of art “experts” anyway. Now I wonder if she told everyone they won so they’d have people at the presentation beyond the “winners.” Well, I love In the Garden.
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Thanks, David. It’s a great description of how I felt.
As I shared with my SoulCare group during our Friday Check-In, I’ve spent the last 24-48 hours living in “The Big Suck.” Yesterday, I met with our organization’s co-founder/Chief People Officer for my exit interview. It went well, albeit difficult and challenging. I believe I’ve made significant contributions to the organization and I’m sad to see it end this way. But—to continue on simply isn’t in the best interest of my wellbeing. This morning, during our monthly Semi-Silent Retreat (via SoulCare) we focused on making peace with failure. And then, Terri and I went to the Art Show. So I’m working through a range of emotions as I watch the movie “The Quick and the Dead.” Sorry—my response is almost a blogpost in and of itself. Just free speeching.
I appreciate you reading and commenting. Thanks for the prayers. They are truly cherished. Shalom.
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I would feel almost betrayed, like I’d been pranked, and look for the hidden cameras.
I’m sorry this happened to you, brother.
🙏❤️ prayers and love.
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