Before the Well Runs Dry

I’ve learned firsthand the toll ministry takes on your body and your mind as well as your soul. Last January, unable to continue, exhausted, and done, I was diagnosed with PTSD and suffering from Complex Bereavement.

PTSD for those who don’t know is post traumatic stress disorder—something I used to think only happened to combat veterans. Turns out, I was wrong.

Thankfully, I’ve gone through addiction recovery or else I’m not sure if I could have made it this far. Fortunately, through God’s provenance, deep down, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Since last year, I’ve grown a lot. I’ve gotten better than I was this time twelve months ago, even though there’s still plenty of road ahead to travel. I’m not quite there yet, but God is working on me.

I’ve been doing several things to heal and recover including writing what I call soul rhythms or soul weights.

Here’s one I’d like to share.

Before the Well Runs Dry

Showing up should be enough. So I thought. The more you show the more they want. Supply and demand.

I believed presence meant emptying myself into every room, every heart, every story until I had nothing left.

But I was wrong. I can’t be all things to all people. I’m not the solution. Jesus is.

Presence without nourishment
becomes performance.

A smile masks terror.
A hand extending as mine is shaking.
A voice steady when inside, I’m breaking.

Recovery isn’t a pause.
It’s part of the work.
It’s tending the well before drawing more water.

Breathe. Pray. Listen. Create. Walk. Rinse and Repeat.
Learn to listen to my own soul,
before listening to another’s.

Because when the well is full,
presence isn’t performance.

Presence creates sanctuary.
Presence yields blessings.
Presence gives life.

Replenish before the well runs dry.

I hope you like it. I may record some of these little ditties as some form of spoken word. What do you think?

Until my next post…

Be salty, stay lit.

Rainer Bantau —The Devotional Guy™

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