RE: View | Beautiful Boy

Last Saturday, while Sweet T and I were enjoying the long Thanksgiving weekend, we had the chance to check out a couple of movies we’d both wanted to see. Sweet T and I love movies and intriguing TV shows. It’s not unusual for us to binge watch episodes of our latest favorite program. For example, right now we’re getting caught up on “Mr. Robot” via Amazon Prime. These days, we don’t seem to go out to the movies as often as we once did, certainly not as frequently as we did growing up. As a kid, I loved going to movies and loved film. It wasn’t unusual for me to go to the local cinema and check out a couple of movies.

One of the movies we saw was the Queen biopic, “Bohemian Rhapsody.” The other movie we checked out was “Beautiful Boy,” starring Steve Carell and Timothée Chalamet as a father and son struggling through the hardships of addiction. The movie is based on the best-selling pair of memoirs from father and son David and Nic Sheff. Beautiful Boy chronicles the heartbreaking and inspiring experience of survival, relapse, and recovery in a family trudging through the rollercoaster ride of addiction.

With both of us having our own different subjective experiences with addicts and addiction, Sweet T and I found the film challenging. Much of the story rang true, drudging up old memories, albeit from our own unique perspectives.

The movie, directed by Belgian filmmaker Felix Van Groeningen, focuses more on the parental perspective of David Scheff, thoughtfully portrayed by Carell, and the blended points of view of his current wife Karen (played by Maura Tierney) and Vicki, Scheff’s ex-wife performed by actress Amy Ryan. The film intertwines Nic Scheff’s story, told from his book “Tweak,” with the memoir written by David, “Beautiful Boy.”

The movie does an excellent job accurately displaying the juxtaposition between the euphoria of being high and the down spiraling downspout of dependency. The film flows between past and present, depicting the hopes associated with sobriety and the dark dirge of repeated relapses.

This is how addiction unfolds. It happens over time. None of us know before we start if we will be addicts. No one intends to be an addict. You buy the lie that you have it all under control, each time going further than the time before when you swore you were done. The film paints an honest picture of the step-by-step fall Nic and other addicts experience as they tumble further into the deep destitute of drug dependence.

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I think it is a film worth seeing for anyone working with addicts or who has experienced addiction—either as an addict or as someone struggling to find answers for their addicted loved one. It’s not a feelgood movie but it does offer a faint light of hope. There are other options available to an addict other than jail or dying from the consuming disease of addiction. The addict’s family can be restored and find a new normal. But it’s not an easy road. And certainly, it’s a road fraught with potholes and obstacles set to veer all lives involved off track. Addiction doesn’t just destroy the user; it decimates anyone in proximity, like a mad hand grenade or renegade IED.

The Devotional Guy™

 

Freeing Your Today from Yesterday’s Pain

Several years ago, Sweet T and I had the opportunity to tour Israel, including Jerusalem. One of the places we visited is the legendary healing pools of Bethesda. In biblical times, seas of hurting and disabled people swarmed around the porticoes because of the healing properties believed to be in the water. Perhaps the warmth of the water combined with a high mineral content had medicinal benefits that alleviated the suffering from various hurts, aches, and pains. As we saw them, the pools had long ago been abandoned. Yet, standing in the place where Jesus is said to have performed his third miracle was humbling and awe-inspiring. The name Bethesda, or Bethsaida, means “House of Mercy.”

John 5:1-9a (ESV)

1 After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. 3 In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. 5 One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, Do you want to be healed? 7 The sick man answered him, Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me. 8 Jesus said to him, Get up, take up your bed, and walk. 9 And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.

We see Jesus find a man who had been left unable to walk by his disease for nearly 40 years. Jesus asks the man, “Do you want to be healed?”

This rich question recognizes that some people are happiest when living in their misery. Some of us are happy living in our spiritual mess. We don’t want to be healed. From this passage, it becomes clear that Jesus only wants to heal those wanting to be healed. He’s not forcing the man to accept His healing. Thankfully, the man chooses to receive it. And then, immediately upon the man’s acceptance of Christ’s healing offer, Jesus instructs the man to get up, pick up his mat, and walk. And we see the man stand up, take his mat and leave. He is healed, freed from yesterday’s pain. Hallelujah!

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When Jesus first encountered the man, the man was in bad shape. His condition was serious and his situation seemed hopeless. But Jesus transformed all of that, instantaneously restoring the man to good health. The man could have refused the gift Jesus offered him. The man could have chosen to stay mired in pain and chained to his suffering. But, wisely, he decided to accept Jesus’ healing power and once he was healed, left his past behind, and stepped into his new future.

Don’t let your past pains paralyze your present day. Accept the healing God offers, make your amends where you need to, and move forward into the future.

#healing #recovery #pain

The Devotional Guy™stray-3478096_1920

Hello Dopamine, My Old Friend

Teaching addiction education class is not something I dreamed of as a kid growing up in the piney woods of East Texas. Yet, there I was Friday morning, my coffee steaming., standing in a cafeteria turned into a makeshift classroom. Roughly 50 street-hardened men, ranging in age from too young to know for sure and old enough to know better, filled the room. When you’re young, you have lots of porcelain god moments, swearing you’ll change. As you age and become more aware of your addictions, you don’t can’t quite grasp why you still can’t quit even though life, the law, and former loved ones have given you every incentive and opportunity. In either case, you live teetering on a constant edge between clarity and compulsion, with clarity rarely winning. It’s a humbling moment for me because teaching an addiction education class usually implies you have some personal knowledge regarding people’s habits, hang-ups, compulsions, and fetishes. And that I do; I am one.

The group of men I had the privilege of standing before found themselves living at a homeless shelter due to their dependences and cravings for the different monkeys riding shotgun on their backs. We focused on four: alcohol, drugs, real sex, and fake sex (porn). As men, these tend to be our big fixations. Be assured, they are not the only types of addictions or compulsive obsessions people face in this world.

To be clear, all homeless people aren’t addicts. Addiction can lead to homelessness. Some homeless people turn to substances after experiencing life on the streets. However, addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer impacting peaceful suburban neighborhoods just like the one you call home. I know addicts who live good lives from the outside looking in. Addiction isn’t just substance abuse. Chances are you know someone addicted to porn sitting at a computer feeding their fetishes in the comfort of their home. Maybe it’s happening in your house right now? You may know someone who is struggling with behaviors like gambling, anorexia, or other disorders and compulsions. Addiction is something that touches us all and comes in many forms. When is the last time you spent a day without your smartphone?

Life is hard and we love to medicate. I have found this to be true in the First World where we use fancy prescriptions and toys to mask our senses and in the Third World where kids sell glue found in garbage dumps overrun with trash and refuse.

Psychology Today defines addiction as “a condition in which a person engages in the use of a substance or in a behavior for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeatedly pursue the behavior despite detrimental consequences.”

You want to stop. You try. But you can’t.

You recognize you should stop. You don’t.

Hello dopamine, my old friend. I see you’ve come to play with my mind again.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers.

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As I mentioned earlier, addiction involves the use of a wide array of substances like alcohol and nicotine and including inhalants, opioids, cocaine, and other substances. Addiction also covers behaviors such as gambling and sex. Scientific evidence shows that the addictive substances and behaviors share a key neurobiological feature; they intensely activate brain pathways of reward and reinforcement, many of which involve the neurotransmitter dopamine (What is Addiction? 2018).

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

But for me and the men in this room addiction is more than a psychological condition. There’s something more missing than the off-switch that other people seem to have when it comes to drinking a little drink and smoking a little smoke. For us, it is a spiritual condition. We’ve fallen so deep that when we look up we see bottom; tore up from the floor up. Mired and enslaved in our addictions, we only see darkness. No light. Zero. Zilch. We have become hopeless. Our lives are unmanageable. We don’t recognize the person we see in the mirror staring back at us. Who have we become? How did we get here? This is not the road we intended to take. None of us raised their hands as kids declaring we were going to grow up and be addicts. Yet, here we are, enslaved to our own maddening vices. What we once loved is now hellbent on killing us. Our compulsion aims to extinguish us. How do we stop?

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Rollercoasters are fun until you want to get off and realize you can’t. Then panic sets in. You get angry. You fight it. It fights back. You stop for a little while and then it comes back vigorously, raising the stakes. Double or nothing every time. You hear it declare, “I’ll tell you when you can stop.”

You’re scared. You’re shaking; trembling down to the bottom of your soul. You want to quit.

Life has forgotten the men in this room. Few will come back from the depths of their fall. Success for them has been redefined. It’s no longer about the things we dreamed about as children. We’ve lost everything more than once. No matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to catch a break. We’ve been humbled into obedience and now simply seek to be faithful in a few, little things. We don’t trust ourselves with more. “Maybe one day,” one of the men says. “But not today.”

But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak. – Isaiah 40:31

We’re all just living one day at a time. Today, I’m clean and sober. Today is all I can hope for. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow ain’t here yet. Each time we fall or stumble, we get up again, dusting ourselves off. Recovery demands persistence; that’s for sure. With each passing failure, we realize the power of our sickness. We lived in denial. Then, in a moment of clarity, we recognized that our lives had become unmanageable and admitted we were powerless over our addictions. We came to believe only a supernatural power greater than ourselves could rescue us from drowning and begin to restore us to sanity. We turned to God, as we understood Him, and made a conscious decision to submit our will and turn our lives over to His care. And so we began to turn the page, altering the course of our story, from hopeless to hopeful.

And that’s why I find myself standing in front of the room full of men hungry for life change. As gratitude, for God pulling me off the rubbage pile, I venture back into the cesspool, looking for survivors. I want to leave no man (or woman), behind. I need God to use me to bring hope to those lacking hope. God doesn’t want anyone to perish. He values our lives. He gave His Son so that we might experience living in eternal presence with Him. Going back, helps me grow in my faith. Teaching what I have come to know about addiction helps me maintain my continuous walk of sobriety.

Are you struggling with the demons of addiction? Do you yearn for the day when you’ll live clean and sober? There’s help. You’re not alone. YOU CAN.

Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. – Romans 12:12

Recovery happens. Pass it on. 

Peace be with you. Blessings.

The Devotional Guy™

References:

What is Addiction? 2018. Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, New York. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/addiction